April 2006
You are currently browsing the articles from Why Lost Sucks written in the month of April 2006.
After months of study here at whylostsucks.com we have finally blown the lid off the biggest mystery of the show Lost: The Dharma Initiative. We have reviewed each and every episode countless times with very sophisticated technologies to uncover all the hidden clues to help unravel the secrecy of this complex organization. All of this research has led us to uncover the truth which will not be told until the end of the series. Consider yourself warned if you don’t want to ruin the surprise, because the identity and purpose of the Dharma Initiative and the whole island is now revealed !!
The Dharma Initiative is: KRAFT FOODS!!!!
It all makes perfect sense. Only a large, multinational corporation could have R&D budget and financial backing to conduct the ongoing operations on the island. This “shadow wing” of the Kraft foods conglomerate was started under heavy secrecy in order to conduct advanced food testing on their unknowing test subjects. With their enormous budget and lust to take over the emerging pre-packaged food market, they began placing subjects on the island through various unfortunate “accidents”. Once the test subjects were in place, they would deploy their cargo of generically packaged food products via parachute. The unaware test subjects would then consume these foods for a long period of time. Eventually they are removed from the island and forced to participate in a 1 month long focus group describing what they liked and disliked about each food product and/or the packaging. This will all be revealed in the final episode which will be called “The Focus Group”. We hope this spoiler will not stop you from continuing to watch the show and see the mystery unravel for yourself.
Click here To see the original 10 reasons why Lost sucks
Written by Tyler on April 13th, 2006 with 63 comments.
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Last night’s episode was probably the most painful I have ever watched. Who was the demographic that ABC was targeting with that episode; the 65-80 year old retirement community crowd? I felt like I was watching a Lifetime Original Movie of the Week. Can an aging dentist find love find love with a terminally ill woman? – Find out this week on the Lifetime Original movie “Last chance for Love”. Oh man, it was excruciating to watch. They could have pointed the cameras at the beach for the entire hour so we could watch the waves rolling in, and it would have been more entertaining than that episode. If that doesn’t prove the #1 premise of this blog, that nothing ever happens on the show, then I don’t know what does. The side story about the Dr. and Kate off on yet another wild jungle adventure hike was not much better. I failed to see the point of them getting trapped in the net for five minutes. Ok, we get it; you want to build the sexual tension between these two characters. This scene has been played out at least three other times with these guys in similar situations. Either let them hook up already, or move on to something else! It’s become like a bad soap opera now, but instead of being set in a suburban hospital, it’s on a tropical island.
Written by Tyler on April 13th, 2006 with 2 comments.
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As I watched last night’s episode it slowly dawned on me where I had see it before. In the movie “fight club”. You know, where Edward Norton’s character was interacting the whole movie with an imaginary friend who turned out to be himself. I kept expecting to see Meatloaf with his hormone enhanced man boobs come walking out of the jungle. Overall, it was a pretty boring episode that once again did not live up to the previews. I could have sworn they showed Hurley slipping of the cliff last week, but he didn’t even come close to falling off. What’s up with the false advertising? Other than watching him binge a few times on Dharma brand snack products and beat up Sawyer, we were left as always, waiting for something to happen. Oh ya, the blond chick was also in the loony bin with Hurley and the imaginary friend. Great, now we have some new plot line to drag out endlessly. Not a lot of shaky camera stuff in this one, but a healthy amount of staring (#2 on the list). It also went on to further reinforce my #5 theory on the list about the flashbacks, and that everyone killed at least one person before getting on the island. Turns out Hurley killed 2 with his ample girth and a poorly constructed deck.
Written by Tyler on April 6th, 2006 with 5 comments.
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This week’s episode, apparently entitled “Lockdown” featured heavy elements of reason numbers 1, 3, 5 and 7 of why the show sucks. It was hugely #1 type show; nothing happening. We thought oh boy, these hatch doors are closing and there is a secret map. Also the three intrepid explorers were hinted to be ambushed in the previous episode, but alas, by the end of the show nothing really happened with all this. We were left back where we started; a bunch of people in the hatch yelling at the balloon dude.
We also got to learn that Locke, other than having his kidney stolen by his father, now had his father fake his own death in order to avoid some bad gents who he stole money from. Then he proceeded to foil Locke’s attempt to propose to his girlfriend and Locke ends up losing her too. That all goes along with #5, in that it really didn’t add much to his character. Ya, the guy had a messed up life, we got that much already. We still don’t know how he got paralyzed, but we are now safe in the knowledge that he was one heck of a good home inspector.
Lastly, we were treated to the World Poker Tour of coconuts. There was staring a-plenty (#3) during this tension filled match. Especially Sawyers patented crooked head, half eyebrow raised, smirking pissed off stare. It made for some riveting TV.
We can only hope that next week’s episode lives up to the previews and someone is actually shot, but my guess is no one will be.
Written by Tyler on April 4th, 2006 with 9 comments.
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1. Nothing ever really happens. Oh, you think something is going to happen. The previews show that something is going to happen. Sadly though, in the end nothing really happens. It’s amazing that you can watch a whole season of the show and end up pretty much where you started. Yep, still on the island. Nope, still don’t know what all the crazy stuff happening is about… Throw us a bone people.
2. The shaky camera work. Oh this is a biggie. We are all well aware of this cheap trick used to intensify the drama of a scene, or worse yet, to insert a false sense of drama where the plot is lacking. Hold the camera steady for the love of Pete. We will decide if the scene is intense enough and if not we can shake our heads back and forth rapidly. There are enough Bruckheimer shows in the world already.
3. Kind of the opposite of the last reason, but equally annoying: the staring factor. By my rough estimates, a good 17 minutes of each episode is devoted to someone staring at someone else, or some object. The casual viewer may miss this one, but look for it. People just don’t stare at each other that much in real life. I think for one of the future blog entries I will actually take a stopwatch and record the “net staring time” for an episode.
4. 3 episodes then reruns for a month. What’s up with that? Yes, it’s filmed in Hawaii and I’m sure a lot goes into each show, but film the whole season then air it. Other shows are able to do that, why not Lost?
5. The flashbacks. They don’t add a whole lot for one thing, and not everyone could have killed someone before they got to the island. I mean how many people’s flashbacks are about them killing a person or persons? I think the fat dude is the only one who didn’t. Oh wait, his “curse” did kill a few people if I recall.
6. New characters. How many new people can they introduce to the show that is set on a deserted island in the middle of nowhere? You wouldn’t think there would be so many people ending up there. You’ve got a whole community of “others”, a French chick, a dude that was in the hatch, all the plane crash people, and now some balloon guy. This island has more people than your average Club Med.
7. The Dharma Initiative. This is so ridiculous; I’m at the point where I don’t even care what it’s really about. Between the guy in the movie and the clever marketing logo, it’s just a bit too over the top. I swear they ripped off this shadow organization from an old episode of Get Smart. If they break out a Dharma Project cone of silence I will throw a shoe through my TV.
8. They find a steel and concrete fortified bunker/hatch (actually many of these) but yet they all still choose to live happily in the open on the beach, while man eating creatures and scary smoke beings roam the island. Don’t you think seeing a man ripped to shreds by a huge monster would make you want to have a metal door between you and the outside world while you slept?
9. The original premise is flawed. If a plane breaks apart at that altitude, there would be no one left to be “lost”. It should have been called “Crashed” and been a one episode show.
10. Pressing the countdown button. Enough said.
Written by Tyler on April 2nd, 2006 with 212 comments.
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