Take a look inside, it’s my d!@k in a box!

Sorry for the delay guys…

So last night was the big Locke episode.  Whoopee.  It’s just gotten to the point on this show that unless a giant meteor strikes the island and blows up everything, it’s going to be a little underwhelming for me.  I guess for season 3 standards, it was an OK show.  The flashbacks actually explained something.  The whole Kate longingly staring at Liberace Jack while he softly played the piano actually made me vomit a bit in my mouth.  Hey Kate, how about looking over his head at the large camera, filming you.  It’s not exactly a spy cam!  Totally saw the dad in the room ending coming a mile away, no big surprise there.  The whole cat and mouse thing between Locke and Ben was tiring.  I don’t know about you, but after the shit Ben has put everyone through I wouldn’t help him into a wheelchair.  I’d be more inclined to punch him in the back.  Don’t even get me started on the magic box thing.  I’m sure the fan sites are having a field day on that one.

Written by on March 22nd, 2007 with 162 comments.
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162 Comments »

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 15:04:10

Thank God, I was getting really bored at work! I think I need a promotion or something…

One word for last nights episode: BORING! One more: PREDICTABLE!
I could’ve told you Locke’s bad daddy was responsible for putting him in the chair. I also could’ve told you that the very same bad daddy was going to show up on the island at the end of the episode. Once again Sayid is useless. Once again Jack & Kate exchange long, meaningful & completely unwarranted glances (dude, she boned Sawyer in a filthy bear cage- grow a pair already). Once again, the reptilian Ben escapes an extremely warranted ass beating. Most importantly: once again nothing of major importance is revealed. If anything the slavish fan boys have one more “mystery” to moisten their panties- the stupid box analogy (I’m assuming it’s just an analogy anyway). While the rest of us sane people continue to scratch our heads and go- is this Lost or Days of Our Lives?

By the way (and this is just a funny thing): Did anybody else notice that Locke & his dad look to be the same age? It’s like the Mandelbaums on Seinfeld. “Mandelbaum! Mandelbaum!…”

Comment by Johnny
2007-03-22 15:33:59

if you knew lockes dad was the one that paralyzed him why are you jsut now saying you knew after you saw him do it? are you god or something, being able to predict lockes dad being on the island in the same episode? before i used to get mad at you ppl for the things you say. but now as i look at the big picture, its kinda funny.

guys, girls, you can make fun of anything in the world, but when you decide to make fun of something ask your self “why?”

Comment by JT
2007-03-22 15:47:02

D00d, Nico, you know I’m usually a fan of your rants. But come on — I gotta agree with Johnny here. You predicted Locke’s dad chucked him off a building? I in no way could have called that, and I am most definitely a non-retard (I think). He coulda been hit by a truck. He could have had his legs broken by the Mafia who he unwittingly stole money from in one of the second two (or three?) episodes. His old flame Helen could have beaten his ass. An escaped polar bear could have done it. Whether or not it was predictable, I still thought it was a really visceral — and kind of sad — scene.

As I am a shameless, pitiful fanboy (heh), I of course thought the episode was damn enjoyable. I mean, Locke blew up a SUBMARINE. That brings us back to the Locke who fucking knocked Sayid unconscious and broke his communications equipment just so he could delay Sayid’s attempts to reach the outside world. Welcome back, Lost. Missed you. At least *someone* has got to concede that the show, at least plotwise, is heading toward being back on track.

Yeah, yeah, the magic box; I knew that was going to raise everyone’s hackles when I heard Ben say it last night. It was kind of a “whatever” moment with me, but it could go a LONG way in explaining why the crash survivors hallucinate on the island all the time (that’s totally not Locke’s dad in the box). I can’t really think of any way to defend it, though, so I guess I’m not going to.

I’ll obviously agree with you and LostSkeptic on the Kate/Jack thing, because as I’ve said before, it is possibly the most contrived, hackneyed, and cliched plot device on the show. Then again, we all have to realize that there’s probably a fairly hefty contingent of people out there who watch the show SPECIFICALLY for the Jack/Kate/Sawyer triangle. Believe me, there ARE people like that out there. I’m just glad I’m not one of them, because that plotline bores the living Christ out of me.

Hope you all loved the episode!

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 15:58:25

I didn’t know he chucked him out the window (until I saw all the glass in the backround when Locke walked in the room), but I sure as hell knew Cooper was the one who put him in the chair. I figured eventually Cooper would show up on the island in some form or another because everybody’s worst fear has been showing up on the island since Jack saw his dad in the jungle in episode 1 (or was it 2?). Once Ben started talking about the “box” that made things manifest on the island I knew for sure.

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Comment by JT
2007-03-22 16:41:17

I think that very, very deep down in your soul, you loved this ep.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 16:52:25

Not at all. Last weeks was much better actually. That’s not saying much this season, but there it is none the less. I’m just sick of seeing Locke act crazy/foolish. He used to be my favorite character, now I don’t know who to root for… maybe the polar bears?

 
 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 16:22:52

I’m a little embarassed to say, I didn’t think it was horrible (disclaimer – my expectations are pretty low). I think there are some very easy nits to pick, some huge holes, some obvious questions left unanswered, some “duh” and “wtf” moments, but all in all, I enjoyed seeing locke return to being a MOSTLY smart character.

now, my problems again lie in the “so what?” parts…

1. submarine blew up. while this has been theorized since season 2 (or 1?), it’s only been confirmed recently (right?). regardless, seems like pandering to say “look, there IS a sub” only to blow it up. and why? so we can establish that ben is manipulative? we knew that. so we establish that everyone is now STUCK on the island? well…ok, but probably could’ve done that w/o introducing then blowing up the sub. the sub is gay.

2. dear diary, they FINALLY revealed how locke came to be paralyzed. WHEW! ok, it answered that, and it might have been an ok backstory, but ultimately, does it matter how it happened? I’m still more curious about how he was ‘healed’. I actually thought the banter b/w ben and locke was going somewhere, though would’ve been much better had locke remained strong and done something that would actually HARM ben and the others!!! in the end, he turned out to be somewhat of a plodding dolt again…shame. he’s smarter than that or should be.

3. magic box…um…I assumed they were talking about kate : ) but if they’re being literal about that…well…wtf?

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Comment by JT
2007-03-22 16:40:21

“actually thought the banter b/w ben and locke was going somewhere, though would’ve been much better had locke remained strong and done something that would actually HARM ben and the others!!! in the end, he turned out to be somewhat of a plodding dolt again…shame. he’s smarter than that or should be.”

Skep, once again, I can’t really argue with you on this one. Sucks that all of his efforts were ultimately for naught. But I still think Terry O’Quinn totally sells the character.

But then again, Locke still blew up the Others’ primary mode of aquatic travel. I’d wager the Others are probably pretty unhappy about that, so at least he accomplished *something*.

 
Comment by Mildly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-22 17:45:20

So, blowing up the submarine and thereby removing any possibility of leaving the island does not qualify as harming the Others (assuming Ben was telling the truth, of course)?

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 18:40:01

Locke has a habit of running into his pops back in the real world, he also knows that he has a deletrious subconscious yearning to bond with him, or at least to try and help and transform him from his nefarious ways.
He wants to be stranded, he wants to be free from his various neuroses and his missing father complex. Ben spelled this out as much himself.
Ben knows this, and poof! Here’s dadddy.

Locke wasn’t trying to harm the others, nor Jack. That’s not where his motivations lie, and they never have. He’s always been a rather docile (not malicious), contemplative, and spiritual character. He was looking out for numero uno. If you’re looking to see Locke do harm to others in an act of unmitigated vindictiveness, then you’re looking in the wrong direction.
It just so happens that his desires run parallel with Ben’s… for the moment. But, like his philosophising namesake, he is against authoritarianism.

He’s not a plodding dolt at all, he’s the most interesting character by far.
His efforts were for naught in the fact that ultimately he could not escape his father, his greatest fear. This show has always been about each character confronting their greatest fears.
If anything, I’m growing skeptical of the Lost Skeptic’s ability to understand this character.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 18:45:43

I agree that Locke is still the most interesting character. However, the writers have failed to give him anything of real substance to work with this season. Last night changed that slightly, but it’s still the same old bad daddy bs we’ve been seeing since season 1. I don’t blame Terry O’Quinn’s characterization, just the poor writing as of late.

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 19:18:15

I agree, I really like Mr. O’Quinn’s perfomances. Especially, when he just dead stares into Ben’s eyes when Ben is trying his jedi mind tricks and says, “I’m hungry!”. Excelllent. He always has a nonchalant retort when people are trying their best tu unnerve him.
Yet, when daddy’s around, he just falls to pieces. These drastic character flaws, or breaks from character, are what drive me batty.

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 19:34:15

in response to ‘harming the Others’ and blowing up the sub…

1) a sub? a SUB?? c’mon…gay.
2) Locke did Ben a favor…that was essentially the point of the whole 42 minutes (the island part)

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 21:20:47

Well, what other options? A Criss-Craft?
“Ben, we’re taking Jack back to L.A., Alex and fake-beard-guy are coming with, they’re gonna’ do a little water skiing and tubing on the way back.”
Apparently they need to have a stealthy mode of transportation to get to and fro. That rules out airplanes, and covers for the fact that the survivors (and Rousseau) would have surely seen and heard airplanes, or heard and seen large ships.
Locke’s actions were also beneficial to Ben, he did not do Ben a favor per se. He knew all along that Ben wanted him to destroy it and was receptive to his desires to do so. He left Ben free to sound the alarm (knowing he wouldn’t), but it didn’t matter because as I said their desires ran parallel in regards to not having the sub, and a means to leave the island.
Also, Jack harbors an obvious resentment towards Locke. It was great seeing Jack (agitated by seeing Locke on the dock), who always has to have his way, get shafted, and by Locke no less.

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 21:43:30

why do they need stealth? and a sub seems unnecessarily complicated (in terms of piloting it). and they apparently DO fly planes over the island, at least to drop supplies…more stealth? supply balloons?

plus, they do have a boat that seemed worthy of multiple days/nights at sea (if that’s even how far from mainland they are). and in 16 years, rousseau couldn’t find the flame station, the giant monolithic sonic fence, or much of anything it seems. so I don’t think a sub is necessary to explain her lack of discovery.

and yes, as I’ve said before, the locke/jack conflict has been dormant too long.

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-23 09:36:41

I think we’ll learn that Ben’s idyllic settlement is a secret being kept from either the higher ups at Hanzo, Dharma, or the world.
I think he has the sub to keep others(foreign governments, etc…) from tracking their comings and goings.

Rousseau’s paradox is a direct result of horrible writing (sans outline). Apparently she doesn’t leave the 3 square miles surrounding her hermit hut.
She’s a yoda figure, in extended hiding.

I’m just trying to explore the possible reasons for why the writers choose the things they choose.

 
 
 
2007-03-23 00:45:48

first i must say…thank goodness for the tards that grace this page with their eloquent thoughts. i enjoy reading people’s takes on each episode…I enjoy sharing my own thoughts…but the tards take the cake. i really enjoy the tards.

with each new episode i’m like…wow…is that it? sigh…

& with each new tard’s comment i’m like…wow…really? HAH!

thank you tards for brightning my day. thank you.

2007-03-23 00:56:24

i’m a tard.

thank you for your time.

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Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 10:21:03

I’m a tard too, & yr welcome.

 
 
 
 
Comment by Marc
2007-03-22 16:06:20

I guess that could have been Locke’s dad had Anthony Cooper fathered a child at 8 if you go by the actor’s real life ages. Totally stupid casting job there. Giving Ben the beatdown he so richly deserves accomplishes nothing since we already know the Others would rather die than give away any secrets about the island, who they are, intentions, etc. Back when Sayid wasn’t useless, he beat him pretty good to no avail. Hope that was worth it, Miss Klugh. Best part of the episode was the psychological banter between Locke & Ben. Let’s hope that Emerson’s character doesn’t get killed off anytime soon, Ben is friggin hilarious.

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 18:43:06

Really, do we know that this Cooper character is even Locke’s genuine father? I’m thinking of putting my money on the fact that he conned his name off of a donor or bloodtype list, and that Locke was played as well.

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 18:47:31

I dunno’, that would really kind of negate a lot of what seems to be driving Locke. Then again, it is appropriately soapish…

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Comment by RobbyLove
2007-03-22 16:34:34

Not Days of Our Lives, Nico. “All My Children”. :) (See last week’s post)

I’ve been making similar comments for weeks.

 
Comment by Tyler
2007-03-22 21:47:12

Awesome! Way to drop in a Mandelbaum reference!

 
 
Comment by RobbyLove
2007-03-22 16:32:09

On a standard grade scale this episode is a solid “B”. In my opinion one of the 2 best episodes of season 3, which is not really saying much compared to the glory of season 1.

Yes, my standards are probably jaded due to the drek we’ve seen this season. Yes, the episode was far from perfect. However I found myself actually enjoying this episode for extended periods of time. It’s something that I’ve missed.

I’m not a fanboy (and those who have read my posts in previous weeks will attest to that) and I went in to this week’s episode with a big chip on my shoulder. I was entertained by LOST for the first time in months.

Thus, I shall not pick nits until the next episode.

Comment by Mildly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-22 17:31:35

Thank you for your courage and honesty, RobbyLove. I am truly moved, dude. Emily, what say you?! Where you at, girl?!

 
 
Comment by ben
2007-03-22 16:35:34

the sad part is that you host a site, watch religiously, banter endlessly, notice more detail then the biggest geek followers of lost and then complain about contrived love triangles that none of u will ever be in much less any relationship with someone as hot as kate… or hurley for that matter. the thing about people that bitch about things they apparently hate is that they would be busting nuts over themselves if they ever had the skill or talent to do the things the bitch about. seriously. you don’t see me hosting a site called whytopmodelsucks.com . it just does. stop wasting time and get back to mundanityville. population…you.

Comment by JT
2007-03-22 16:38:22

Shit, this sounds a lot like me when I first discovered this site.

Ben, dude, this site isn’t nearly as bad as you’d think — there are some pretty intelligent people here.

Guys, go easy on this one, willya?

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 16:50:02

Yep, I’m really just jealous that I can’t bang Kate in a polar bear cage. You figured me out. It’s not the deterioration in writing & acting that has been plaguing the show. It’s certainly not the fact that a silly, daytime soap love triangle doesn’t appeal to the average 35 year old man (that would be me, duh). Nope, I’m jealous of fictional characters on the boob tube… What a dolt.

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 16:57:46

haterville…population YOU!

 
 
Comment by Mildly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-22 17:35:15

How dare you disparage Hurley? He is all kinds of hot! You’re a meanie. And BTW, you missed the train, the boat and the spaceship. Go worship unquestioningly at the alter of Lost somewhere where people actually give a damn.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 18:39:26

By the way, check out the link in this guy’s signature. Class act all the way! Hey, it got really quiet all of a sudden! Guys! Quit looking at the porn!

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 21:01:44

Ha! It appears he is the only one busting a nut on himself.

 
 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 19:00:20

Ben, you’re a bore and a dullard. For instance, many people still find the US to be a great place, it was before, and despite the present mongoloid in power who is ruining many a things, we all hope it will right its course… kinda’ like ‘Lost’.
If I had such talent I think I would be “busting a nut”, as you so elegantly state, over Kate, or if your preferences lie elsewhere (perhaps yourself) over Hurley.
How much time did you waste searching for this site and adding a comment? How much more time are you wasting searching for the responses, and outlining the lame retorts that you will conjure?

Lstly, you are an idiot nonpareil. Why would you ’stop wasting time’ only to head back to ‘mundanityville’? That’s the type of ill-worded sentence that only makes sense to your fellow ingoramuses.

Comment by ben
2007-03-22 20:03:41

ooh.. so this is an intellectual debate on hating lost.
you guys are hilarious. i can’t believe i rocked the boat so much. sensitive lost haters. almost as sensitive as the lost lovers. what are u defending again? ur hatred for a show? riiiight.

 
 
Comment by Tyler
2007-03-22 21:56:31

Your just jealous you didn’t think of it first :)

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-23 00:02:16

My fiance is way hotter than Kate, and is actually useful. She also doesn’t fuck random con-men in polar bear cages– at least, she hasn’t been lately….. anyway, she wouldn’t if they were total pussies like Sawyer.

On the topic of boredom, talent, and better things to do in mundanityville, I didn’t realize that “lost” writers had the free time to log onto sites and defend their tripe. Why don’t you get back to Wikipedia and figuring out what obscure philosophers and politicians you can anagram into the next character’s name.

The most amazing con that Lost ever pulled off was to lure a bunch of very intelligent people into it and then not deliver on its epistomological promises– when they abandoned the show, all that are left are really stupid, defensive trolls. Now we’re just watching it like some car wreck, or more appropriately, that bitch girlfriend in high school who cheated on you with that guy in the bear cage– you just can’t get over her, no matter how many fish biscuits she eats……..

Comment by Tyler
2007-03-23 01:31:27

Great post Evil! Couldn’t have said it better myself.

ps. your fiance may be hot but how is she at straddling palm trees?

Comment by Evil
2007-03-23 10:27:06

We live in a temperate zone. Palm trees are tropical.

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Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 12:09:44

Same here Evil, & my fiancee hasn’t boned a greasy looking scum-bag in a bear cage in at least a year or two… Now, when was the last time we were at the zoo again?…

 
 
2007-03-23 01:04:02

see tards mentioned above. &…

imagine this scenario.

someone creates the page http://www.whybensucks.com. it sucks. then someone creates http://www.whybensucksdotcomsucks.com.

that page might be alright.

jusayin

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 10:24:13

Oh man, yr messin’ with mind. That could go on forever… kind of like this season of Lost…

 
 
 
Comment by Mildly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-22 17:23:33

Gotta go with LostSkeptic on this one. And BTW, it’s about time you posted Ty! You be slipin’, man. How dare you have a life outside of this blog?! Anyhoo, notwithstanding the raison d’être of this here site, I was actually entertained by last night’s episode. Yes. I was entertained. I liked it. I was amused. I found it enjoyable. Comprende? Annoyance and disgust were but fleeting emotions during my largely positive television viewing experience. Come on! You all have got to admit that Lost was almost but not quite back to form. John was certainly at his best. I agree with Nico-co that it was entirely predictable that John’s baddy-daddy was the author of his pre-island predicament. Predictable yes. At times annoying, perhaps (I pooed a little when the physiotherapist told John that a man who survived an 8 storey fall could do anything and I had to stab myself in the head when Kate put down her gun better to listen to Jack’s haunting piano concerto). BUT entertaining nonetheless. Even for the most fanatical Lost apostate (that’s you Ty), it is impossible to feign indifference. It is imperative that we give credit where credit is due if our WhyLostSucks coven is to have any credibility or meaning. Yes, I liked it damn it. I liked last night’s episode (now standing on his desk with the wind blowing in his hair). I liked Locke’s contempt for Ben, I liked Sayid’s revelation to the French psycho-chic’s daughter and her longingly sinister peering at her daughter through the leaves, I liked when submarine go boom boom and make big fire in the sky, I liked the plausible explanation for why Jack was happily throwing a football like a girlie-girl, I liked the fact that we finally also got an explanation (at long last, Lawd Jesus, thank you) of the Others’ utopic society and the significance of the submarine, I liked the fact that they finally revealed how John was paralized even if it was somewhat of a letdown because predictable, and I liked the tension created by the whole baddy-daddy/John plot line even if Ben’s psycho babble about getting away from baddy-daddy was intensely annoying and the ensuing baddy-daddy in the box scene nauseatingly predictable! I have not been this engaged in a Lost episode in a very long time. Let’s see if those motherfuckers can keep it up for two episodes in a row. Now… let the pelting begin. Bring it, on Lost apostates! Come on… bring it!

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 19:49:05

did you like the “I’ll come back for you” uber-drama?

what is this, LOST OF THE MOHICANS? (sorry…oblique reference to daniel day lewis’ line “I will find you!” from…well…you know the movie)

Comment by Increasingly Rancid Turkey
2007-03-22 21:56:43

I think I must have blocked out the whole Kate-Jack “I’ll come back for you” scene. Puke. Barf. Gag. It would have interfered with determination to like this episode at all costs.

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 22:00:36

ha! i know…and as JT noted, it’s just an evil that’s must be tolerated in any ‘drama’, but, they sure could lighten up on the ‘melo-’.

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Comment by JT
2007-03-23 13:02:22

They definitely *should* stop with the melodrama, particularly with the K/J/S thing. The only thing I feel whenever Kate gives Jack a soul-searching, piercing, and intense look is complete nausea. It might help if Evangeline Lilly, as utterly good-looking as she is, were something of a talented actress. But she really really isn’t. And honestly, her character has always bored the living piss out of me. I mean, this is the same bitch who broke into a bank so she could steal a FUCKING TOY AIRPLANE. Not sure why the creators shit themselves in glee whenever they air a Kate episode, because I’m pretty sure America collectively yawns whenever she’s on screen.

This also brings up something else: Lost is probably one of the most polarizing shows that I’ve ever watched: I’ve NEVER seen a television show cause this much rage, bitterness, and hatred among viewers. I’m starting to feel like as hard as the writers try to engage ALL of the viewers with plots they’re fond of, there’s always — no matter what — going to be a subset of people that’s going to be pissed off at the direction the show is taking. It’s inevitable.

I wish there was some easy solution to that problem. But there isn’t.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:54:29

But the melodrama and implausible nonsense has always been there even when the show was at its peak. Jesus, remember the whole Sharon/Sayid thing? Do you remember Hurley and Libby’s would-be romance just before she get’s blown away?! It’s just that we are more inclined to be critical of every detail now.

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 16:48:19

Sayid dated Ariel Sharon?? now that would be something!!

I guess rodney king’s plea for us all to just get along rang true in the holy land afterall.

 
Comment by Increasingly Rancid Turkey
2007-03-24 16:40:58

Wasn’t her name Sharon? Although it’s not far from the truth that Sayid likes old fat guys. He’s Barbara Hershey’s bitch.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-22 17:32:39

i have mixed feelings about this episode.
i don’t know what is the “game changer” factor that was promised.
other than that, good episode. i liked how characters finally asked questions like where do they get electricity.

anyway, i think lost is improving. if you exclude the tatoo episode, all new epis starting from 07 were getting better than the start of the season. if you remember there were much worse ones in 1 and 2 seasons, like when boon was dying, sawyers frog, suns ring etc. AT LEAST hopefully we don’t get that in the future.

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 19:04:53

Ben jokes about “two giant hamsters on wheels”, but we all know he he was alluding to the two giant polar bears that are in fact generating the juice.

 
 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-22 17:39:54

Wait, what happened last night? I was at a Decemberist’s concert and experiencing real entertainment: from the rant, I can kind of guess that 1. Locke’s dad put him in the wheelchair– I mean, duhh, fatherly betrayal is sewn into the DNA of this show and probably JJ Abrams’. Okay, so Ben escapes an assbeating. not surprised there either. you really think that the guy was going to die? Blam. DEAD. One shot. All it would take.

So someone give me a synopsis. What happened?

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 19:07:31

JJ? Hate his father? No way, his daddy got him into show biznezz! And his mama too. Ain’t that right bubby?

 
Comment by Johnny
2007-03-22 19:17:45

lockes ad shoved him out of a 8 story window. lockes dad appeared tied up in a room at the end of the episode. locke took a bomb and blew up their submarine. ben acted like he didnt want him too but he did because he didnt want jack and juliet to leave the island. ben talks about a magic box on the island

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 21:50:05

I think Li’l Kim and 50 cent did a ‘B’ side about the magic box.

 
 
 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-22 18:10:19

Okay, wait, I read the synopsis on another site. I’m glad I didn’t watch.

Ben is not dead. It could have been BLAM. DEAD.

Sayid and Kate are smart enough to get into the other’s back yard, but stupid enough to get captured at night so as to prevent any plot progression whatsoever. Any time the badguy is at gunpoint, someone ties a good person to the railroad tracks.

Our magical sub, is conveniently blown up, just like all those Dharma manuals. Convenient.

And now we have the interesting Black Box metaphor. YES. LOST IS A BLACK BOX. THE PLOT IS A BLACK BOX. THE ISLAND IS A BLACK BOX. The island doesn’t have any logic to it. It just does stuff. Characters don’t have any motivation, they just do stuff. Just like in a Soap Opera. One day, you are the favorite character. Tomorrow, they write you as the villain. Like, for example, back when my older sister was torturing me and the family with Melrose Place; really really early, Billy was the sweet guy and then one week, to increase ratings, he inexplicably turned into a raging asshole. No reason. He just did. It was a black box. The island doesn’t have a sophisticated mechanism of superconducters to it. They blew that shit up. It doesn’t have magic either. It just does stuff, like ghosts and polar bears and child stealing. It’s a black box.

So when Locke suddenly starts doing stupid things like blowing up hatches and submarines (does anything on this show NOT involve explosives?) we don’t have to wonder why, he just does– it’s a black box. I mean, they slowly turned Locke from a pragmatist to a complete moron, so why be surprised.

And when Juliette and Jack are stupid enough to fall for a promise from a compulsive liar and megalomaniac– who steals children– we don’t have to wonder why, it just happesn– it’s a black box.

And when the fans of this show slavishly watch week after week and keep getting excited about the next big conspiracy OMG LOCKE’S BADDADDY IS ALIVE REVENGE REVENGE REVENGE WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN NEXT, what kind of reasoning are they using– it’s just a black box motherfucker. No logic involved. black. box.

More about the black box metaphor. It’s pretty clear that this is Fantasy Island, with Ben as Mr. Rourke and every week’s preview as Tattoo screaming “THE PLANE THE PLANE” emphatically to make you watch. The convenient part about fantasy island– aside from being able to film exclusively on a sound stage or just in Hawaii which has all kinds of climates– is that ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN. You don’t have to explain anything anymore. you don’t have to follow a formula. there are no rules. God can make a rock that he can’t lift — Thomas friendly Aquinas and John Locke will have that argument any day with— this might change into Alias any day now, or maybe it will become the Simpson’s or maybe it will become “On Golden Pond”.. it doesn’t really matter because “I am your host Mr. Rourke (in the french version he is the devil) WELCOME TO FANTASY ISLAND.”

The other thing about the black box analogy is that it has an intellectual lure for stupid people. OH BLACK BOXES. I REMEMBER THOSE FROM THE LAST SCIENCE CLASS I TOOK IN MY LIFE IN JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL. It sounds smart. It sounds intellectual.

But nothing is a black box. Eventually, everything gets explained.

except for this show. to that extent, the black box analogy is genius. the writers having another laugh on the audience. drinks on me.

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 18:11:12

Gives new meaning, and an ironic validation for thinking inside “the box”.

 
Comment by RobbyLove
2007-03-22 18:15:05

If Al Gore was on the show, he wouldn’t call it a Black Box. He’d call it a “Locke Box”.

LOL! I made a funny!

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 19:10:56

Ha! That was a good one.

“What the island has… is a fever.”

 
 
Comment by David
2007-03-22 18:32:14

Well I broke my LOST fast.

I actually watched a whole episode (with the exception of a couple of minutes).

The last time I tried was “The Hurley finds a bus” episode, which I had to shut down after 20 minutes.

Overall not a bad episode. Although like everyone else has said, “My expectation were real low.”

Don’t get me wrong the whole series has some serious flaws in logic, that in my humble opinion will keep it sucking the big one. But, last night’s episode was the first time in a long time that I didn’t want to throw the remote at the TV.

I agree with Nico the story was a bit predictable, I foresaw Locke’s dad being the cause of his broken back, right after his name popped up. I could see the “big twist” at the end with his dad being on the island, right after Ben said he had something to show Locke.

But, despite the predictability it was ok and, least it felt like the story was better paced than most, and the flashback actually fit into the main story.

I’m not sold on a LOST comeback just yet.

After last nights ep. I thought to myself, “maybe if I have time I’ll catch next week.” A far cry from the glory days when I had to set my watch by the LOST theme song, “bong.”

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 18:36:03

Heh, heh… yeah that Lost opening- my fiancee says the word real slow to match the spinning title: “LLLLLOOOOOOSSSSSTTT!”. Kinda’ funny actually.

 
Comment by JT
2007-03-23 13:06:51

David, I know you and I are mortal enemies and all that, but I’m glad you seem to have kind-of-sort-of possibly enjoyed this week’s episode. I’m amazed, in fact. You might want to view the two episode before the Locke one, too.

Comment by David
2007-03-23 13:35:08

Thanks, I will try and dnld those and give them a shot when I take some time off from being your “Mortal Enemy.” :)

J/K I don’t really consider anyone my mortal enemy.

BTW Nice to see you contributing to the site.

See if we can get along, can’t the Others and Losties?

 
 
 
Comment by Johnny
2007-03-22 19:20:42

dakara… what was so good about season 1? you know.. if a person at down and watched every episode starting from season 1 ep 1 until last nights episode, that person most liekyl couldnt distinguish where a season begins and ends. its all in your head..

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 19:39:02

Since you posted pretty much the EXACT same comment the week I guest wrote for Tyler, I have pasted my earlier response:

That’s just silly! Here’s two differences (out of many) between season 1 and now :

1) In season one the flashbacks were used to develop the characters & explain their motives. In season three the flashbacks are filler for entire episodes to buy time while the writers think of what crap to throw at us next. They don’t tell us anything the flashbacks from the 1st season (or maybe even 2nd) didn’t already tell us better.

2) In season one the “others” are a menacing, freaky, mysterious force of nature. In season three they are a bunch of totally pedestrian, megalomaniacal, rejects from The Prisoner type protagonists.

How ’bout them apples? Boooyah!
*ahem* sorry

Comment by Johnny
2007-03-23 08:21:55

i didnt know you were an authority on lost, my mistake

 
 
 
Comment by Jerome
2007-03-22 19:46:41

it was just another C- episode. nothing of importance revealed, nothing given to further push along the plot. personally.. i don’t want to have to look so deep into a plot of a show in order to appreciate it, analyzing little tid bits saying “look at X, this must mean this, so that must mean that, so that actually means this.. blah blah blah”. Give me a break already! once again, a major dissappointment. really everything i wanted to say has already been said. Kate, you’re a filthy whore. Stop eye fucking jack like you want something from him. Sayid, go find a radio to fix and be useful for once. Locke, you need to take your crazy pills. Russo, why the hell did you walk for days in the jungle to play hide and seek? bullshit

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-22 19:55:01

Well said my friend!!

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 20:59:08

Because she is the writer’s escape clause, no pun intended, for springing Kate, Sayid and Locke, why else?

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 22:02:29

probably right. i didn’t watch the previews…do they ‘escape’ next week already? I hope so.

another 3 episodes of Kate/Jack as captives will end whatever momentum they’ve recaptured.

 
 
 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 19:50:07

“If anything, I’m growing skeptical of the Lost Skeptic’s ability to understand this character. ”

gratuitous…and unfully.

and you think AMERICANS are shameful?

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 20:57:46

Non sequitur?

You Lost me.

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 21:08:47

you take yourself to seriously.

and your butt smells.

Comment by laurent
2007-03-22 21:26:09

Apparently you’ve conceded.

Butts don’t smell, noses do. Butts stink as did your retort.

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Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-22 21:47:52

conceded what? I didn’t realize I was in competition with you.

if you don’t stop, i’m going to start thinking you’re obsessed with me.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by Paul
2007-03-22 19:54:13

Hmmm…. does anyone get the idea that the writers are just making it up as they go…?

Paul.

Comment by David
2007-03-22 21:25:05

Yeah I think we all do

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-22 23:53:44

Absolutely, that is kind of what this site is all about. It’s like the show is some bullshit AP Essay from some kid who didn’t read the book, floating from premise to premise with no real point. These guys must have been great at BSing their English teachers.

Comment by laurent
2007-03-23 09:26:24

As I’ve said in the past, this is where all the not-so-smart kids of not-rich-enough fathers end up. These English Lit. graduates of Colgate, Dennison, Union, Bucknell, William Smith, Ithaca… etc, etc.. end up as hacks for a primetime drama that was abandoned by its creator.
They float through their work as they floated through their lives, hoping that daddy, one of his friends, or one of their connections from the ‘Wingless Angels’ fraternity group will get them another gig. They’ll never make it on top, but they have it just good enough. These are the gods of network crap TV.

“Chip?… Yeah, it’s Holman, yeah we ran this show into the ground… dude can you get me an interview with the Heroes guys? … sweet, thanks man.”

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 10:00:58

it’s easy to write crap. especially since this show doesn’t particularly mind blatantly ripping off material from other sources.

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Comment by Evil
2007-03-23 10:36:46

I love your rip on thos small crappy liberal art schools. I went to a boarding school myself and so many of the not-too-dumb, not-too-smart-or-hard-working kids go off to Union, Denison, Gettysburg — wherever. At graduation they announced where they were all going– it was like a parade of mediocrity. There was the occasional Dartmouth, Harvard, Williams, Amherst, but usually that was just some jock who got a sport scholarship.

Don’t get me wrong, those small schools have great resources, and if I were a kid on scholarship there would prefer it to some of the big state universities because you get more hands on attention. But you really choose a school for the peers around you, and I couldn’t suffer 4 years in a tiny Pennysylvania/New York/New England town with rich brats who didn’t particularly want to learn anything but how to do keg stands and roofy the sorority girls.

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Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:42:01

You guys just about done with your tiresome little blog within a blog about small school grads of obscure origin and limited intellect? Yawn. Who gives a crap?! I’m the product of Canadian public roman-catholic school education and I can spell. Fuck you all. Now, let’s move on to the topic at hand…

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-23 17:17:12

Right, sorry… has anyone else noticed how much this season of Southpark sucks?

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-23 20:51:25

So? Who said public schools are bad? I was just tooling on the rich private school kids. Chill out, frenchie.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-26 14:34:45

Re Laurent’s comment on South Park, aside from the occasional episode, it has sucked for the past three seasons. They have become too transparently didactic. I think it started with the Mel Gibson series. I’m sure there must be at least one blog about WhySouthParkSucks out there somewhere…

 
Comment by JT
2007-03-26 18:20:59

I agree. I’m pretty sure it started sucking when they ran out of ideas and decided to just mock whatever headlines they came across in the New York Post.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-28 14:27:57

I would agree except for the episodes last season about Scientology. They had a personal reason to lash out at them with the whole Isaac Hayes fiasco. Otherwise, I agree- it seems they are desperate to seem topical as to avoid comparisons to Family Guy, etc.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by Ben
2007-03-23 01:24:26

Doesn’t it seem wierd that they focused so much in the Hazno foundation and dharma initiative during season 2? Especially in the alternate reality games. It seems like this was due to overzealous outsiders taking the idea and running with it, kinda like how the previews are always fucked up. It just goes to show that its nearly impossible to any show like this and expect contuitity to be good because there are so many hands in the pot.

Comment by Johnny
2007-03-23 08:30:42

well the lost experience has been over with for a while now, if you exclude that, they focus on dharma more than they did in season 2.

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 10:30:32

AAAARRRRG!!! It’s finally happened- the fanboys are taking over! Just kidding guys, but seriously- take your Lost role playing & shove it up your asses… If you decide to start a Lost larping group let me know though, I’d like to be a polar bear…

Comment by JT
2007-03-23 11:09:22

What the hell is a larping group?

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Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 11:25:52

Larping is an acronym for “live action role playing”. Typically it is D&D/LotR obsessed nerds dressing up like their favorite characters & acting out campaigns (secenarios). It is the silliest thing ever, especially the magicians who typically throw little balled up pieces of paper with runes written on them while yelling: “fireball”, or whatever the spell is supposed to be.

 
Comment by JT
2007-03-23 11:26:55

Hah. I’ve heard of this stuff before. Don’t the participants hang out in the woods and beat the shit out of each other with foam bats?

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 11:34:13

Yes indeed, that’s it exactly. My freinds & I used to do it back in the early/mid eightees when D&D was at its peak, but we were like, 11 & the term “larping” hadn’t even been coined yet. When I see grown ass folks doing it I can’t stop laughing at them. Back to the point though: I don’t want to see any more discussion about Lost role playing or fan fiction! That’s just too much even for me. If Big Jim sees that kind of talk he’s liable to hunt us down & make lamp shades out of our skin.

 
Comment by David
2007-03-23 13:38:11

Glad you explained it.

It sounded oddly sexual and messy.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-23 11:18:48

u no wat sux?
th1s:

http://spoilerslost.blogspot.com/

“Now that Locke has blown up the submarine, it seems all of the castaways will have plenty of time for introspection. And fans will have lots of time to ponder. It will be five weeks before viewers see Locke and his father again, but when they do, the results will be an intense set-up for the season’s climax, Lindelof said”

die.

 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-23 12:52:41

u’n0 wut su>

 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-23 12:53:17

man uno wut rly sux?
spoilerslost.blogspot.com
“Now that Locke has blown up the submarine, it seems all of the castaways will have plenty of time for introspection. And fans will have lots of time to ponder. It will be five weeks before viewers see Locke and his father again, but when they do, the results will be an intense set-up for the season’s climax, Lindelof said.”
die.

Comment by David
2007-03-23 13:36:24

hahahhaa

Typical

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 14:03:54

so, assuming they’re right, what characters get are featured in the next 5 episodes??? Based on who’s been the focus recently, I’d say something like…

1. sawyer
2. jin
3. kate
4. charlie
5. ben – they SHOULD have his flashbacks, might actually reveal something interesting about the island, dharman, the Others, etc.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-23 14:16:28

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? *picks jaw up off floor*

You have GOT to be frickin’ kidding me… Man, these writers just have nothing but contempt for their audience. It’s still shocking to me, although it shouldn’t be by now.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:14:12

Wow. Unbelievable. Their lack of respect for the audience never ceases to amaze me. Well, I say let them proceed to air five really crappy filler episodes (I reiterate that the last two and especially this week’s were okay). When the show finally implodes and goes the way of the OC, perhaps those arrogant mofos will learn a lesson or two about respect and viewer loyalty. You can’t keep feeding people crap week after week and expect them to stick around for more. Incredible.

Comment by Evil
2007-03-24 11:50:24

What did I say before? The Locke episode was just to set up the next thematic detente so they can do filler episodes. They weren’t actually going to show anything more about Locke or Ben, because they can’t write that kind of show– they don’t know what would actually happen, and even if they did, they can’t write it convincingly.

So instead, Locke and Ben will go into a black hole for a while and when they come out, Locke will be compeletely changed, probably EEEEEVIL, and we’ll once again not get to know why or how or what the others are all about. Locke will have another set of vague methaphors to explain his inexplicable behavior “he’ll be going on about a plan, a mission, a great project, the secrets of the island, etc.” without, of course, explaining anything.

 
 
 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-23 15:04:48

It’s all very cyclical. We’re overdue for a Jin/Sun, or Charlie flashback. I’m hedging on Charlie. We will finally learn what happens to Charlie’s junkie brother (*spoiler* he dates Kate Moss before being accidently OD’d by Pete Doherty’s and his used needles).
The following week we will learn what happens to bald Yao Ming (Sun’s lover) when he reaches the US after fleeing Seoul (*spoiler* he gets a walk-on tryout with the Clippers). Sun’s father learns of Jin’s betrayal after reading about the still living Bald Yao in an LA Korean sports daily, thus leading them on the flight for their lives to L.A.
Damn them all to bits!

Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:22:51

I agree. I was just thinking that the actors who play Sun and Jin must have been feeling under-utilized after such a long hiatus. But haven’t they exhausted their personal stories at this point. They have certainly exhausted my desire to know more about these characters, although I would sooner sit through further Sun/Jin melodrama than tolerate the sight of Cheech on my screen again. What about Rose and her whitey husband? Perhaps they will reintroduce them. But to what avail? Who knows…

Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 15:27:36

I was curious, so I scanned some of those LOST spoilers…

Apparently Jin’s epi is due 4/25. and his was the footage that was scrambled by the airport x-ray or whatever.

also – you’ll love this – nikki and paulo get their own episode. maybe as soon as next week! heh heh.

just when they start building momentum…

Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:45:49

Nooooo??!! Shuddup! Not fucking Nikki and Paulo! Little baby Jesus in Heaven, please, not Nikko and Paulo. Nooooooo. Oh god, please noooo (convulses on floor of cublicle in a foetal position).

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Comment by JT
2007-03-23 15:49:47

Jesus tap-dancing Christ, Turk, we’ve seen their characters — literally — for a combined five minutes throughout the last ten or so episodes. I know that they were introduced to the show sloppily, but I have no idea why there’s so much hatred (across the boards — not just here) for two tertiary background characters who have had less than 20 syllables of spoken dialogue on the entire run of the series.

That being said (SPOILER ALERT BITCHES!), I heard Paolo gets shot in the fucking head in the next episode, so I’m sure there will be much rejoicing.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-23 15:56:32

Oh yes (sinister chuckle). Yes. Yeahhhhhhh (masturbates furiously at the thought of Paulo’s skull exploding).

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 16:09:03

uh…that sounds sexually odd and messy.

 
Comment by laurent
2007-03-23 17:11:23

There are many problems with Nikki and Paulo:

1) They represent a convenient ‘out’ for the writers. Since there is a pool of unintroduced survivors, the writers have the potential of introducung countless more characters.

B) It then follows that each one of these characters has their own absurd and uninteresting backstory that will eat up precious time, time that should be used to further the nonexistant plot.

III) With the influx of new characters, their backstories, their yet to be disclosed ties to the other survivors, confusion (more) ensues. This leads to another lame “Lost Survival Guide” program.

…._) Names like “Nikki and Paulo” hint to stories involving an internet start-up entrepreneur travelling the globe looking for waves with his department store model ’sometimes’ girlfriend (they’re patching things up). Paulo learned to surf in San Fran as a way to hobnob with the young and flush with cash venture capitalists. After he sold his majority interest and made a killing he realized that he had been bit by the surfing bug. He convinced Nikki to come along to Indonesia and Australia because now he had all the time in the world for her and things were going to be different. Up to now he’s been shaping boards for the other survivors, and just finished shaping the fuselage tail rudder so Hurley can shred. It’s Hawaii, there’s bound to be a surf scene, and another bonding scene involving the beach bums… or they’re bohemians who were living in Phuket.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-23 15:14:33

yeah just about the time i go like “omg, k, lost does not suck now” they slap me in the face like that. man it sounded worse than locke blowing up another station. guess next episode will be “how claire got her goth hair” or how jin enlarged his penis.

 
Comment by stellar
2007-03-23 15:36:04

and one more
“Emerson does promise that fans hungry for answers will be treated to some major revelations by season three’s conclusion. “I know that one set of interlocking backstories is brought to its resolution in the episode that we’re filming now, and it’s a biggie,” he reveals. ”

isn’t it obvious for the season FINALE? lol, they are teasing us with the season finale. its like watch another 12 filler episodes and your patience will be rewarded. i guess that is a big event they promised us in the mid of the season. fuckers

 
Comment by grob
2007-03-23 16:06:51

lost is very deep show. i am impressed with the twist so far, interesting whom will kate choose? now not jack definately after his indifference.

nikki and paolo yeah fiannly some new intriguing beach story

Comment by David
2007-03-24 10:26:58

your sarcasm is appreciated.

Nice.

 
 
 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-23 16:14:05

I wish they’d introduce a new character every episode. on the night of the planned 100th episode, bob sagat could walk out and say “it’s time to play 1 vs. 100 LOSTIES! suckahs!!!!!”

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-24 11:06:06

I’ve just been waiting for Nikki &/or Paulo to bite the big one. Of course they’ll try to make it some big, shocking revelation. As if we didn’t all see it coming from the moment they were introduced. Just like we didn’t see in coming that Claire was Jack’s 1/2 sister, or that Cooper was responsible for putting Locke in the wheelchair, or that Kate was a total slut…(sorry, don’t know where that last one came from).

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-24 12:10:23

GET THIS: NEXT WEEK’S EPISODE, IN ADDITION TO IRRELEVANT REDSHIRTS NIKKI AND PAULO– ALSO HAS FAMOUS REDSHIRTS SHANNON AND BOONE.

So now, on top of flashbacks about irrelevant character’s pasts BEFORE the island, now we have to be subjected to irrelevant character’s flashbacks ON THE ISLAND.

So we now have a flashback of lost back when it didn’t suck. And yet, I can guarantee you this episode will suck huge polar bear balls.

“This is weird I mean,
we’re in Wayne’s basement only,
that’s not Wayne’s basement”

Comment by laurent
2007-03-24 13:07:46

Why hasn’t the pittiful ‘Boone’ actor been in anything since? Maybe because he can’t act act worth a damn. Another vapid pretty face, at least the writers recognized this and offed him. He had the acting range a muppet. He was even horrible in the flashback airport sequence.

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-24 13:42:34

Yes, I always figured they casted Shannon & Boone on head shots alone. Well, they did a fine job- they are two awfully good looking young people. Unfortunately neither of them could act their way out of a wet paper bag. I thought Shannon was even worse than Boone, but you know something- Claire is just as bad an actress & twice as whiny & annoying. Maybe they’ll kill her off next & the Hobbitses can raise the baby.

Comment by laurent
2007-03-24 18:34:41

I think their characters served as a metaphor for narcissistic pretty people lusting over themselves, in effect, having sex with themselves, their mirror, through incest. This ended in the extinction of their bloodline as it were. But as Larry David asked last season, “Do steps count?”

Thank goodness they’re gone, I was fearing an episode where Sayid approached Shannon about wearing a hijab.

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Comment by Evil
2007-03-24 22:10:05

Shannon was hot. That was her one redeeming value. And being a whiny hot bitch was probably type casting– and yet I thought she did it well.

But damn. HOT. HOT. We were sad when she died, but only for the lack of hotness when she was decomposting.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-26 14:47:40

Yeah, we get it, Shannon was hot. How old are you?! Careful with the mysogenist tone, buddy. It’s not kewl. Jack is the biggest bitch on the island anyway. I find the word is used far too often to describe women on this blog. It’s been buggin’ me lately. Just sayin’.

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-26 15:05:44

I’m not a misogynist at all, and I have the Feminist Majority spammail to prove it. ;-)

But, I can’t stand stupid or crazy people– male of female. Jack is a huge bitch. If I were gay, he would serve a purpose for me because he’s a good looking guy, but he’s not. So Shannon is my eye candy. Dumb. Boring. Useless Shannon.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 15:16:31

Have to agree, if they didn’t mean to titillate the audience with eye candy like Shannon or Jack (depending on your preference) just to name a few, they would’ve cast ugly people. Now personally, I’m not into blondes- but Shannon was pretty good looking. Kate has a face like a rat imho, those front teeth look like they should be gnawing on a block of wood. If I had to pick the best looking female castaway it would be Rose all the way. Just kidding- it would be Rousseau’s daughter. The actress was on Malcolm in the Middle when she was younger & I would never have guessed she would have grown up to be like, model gorgeous. I’m a sucker for raven haired beauties, like my financee for example…

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-26 16:27:45

Awww shucks, Nico. You ahh-ight dawg. And Hurley is my eye candy. Slurp.

 
Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-26 16:33:42

And Nico, bite your tongue. Kate is a true beauty. If we have to compare chompers (teeth), Alex’s are twice as big as Kate’s. Your tastes are conventional, my friend. Jin and the tatoo artist Thai chick in Jack’s flashback are the most beautiful of them all… closely followed by Sawyer in his vintage ponytail. Oh lawdy lawdy, that hair!

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 17:13:34

I find the actress who plays Sun very cute too, exotic is always good. As far as Alex goes- how can finding the absolute “Jewiest” (if I may quote the equally lovely Sarah Silverman) looking cast member most attractive make my tastes conventional? Kate is OK, I was just being funny. However in the right moments I stand by my statement that she has very predominant front teeth.

 
Comment by Evil
2007-03-26 19:38:13

Alex is hot. OMG she WAS in “Malcom in the Middle.” Wasn’t she the babysitter??!!!!

 
Comment by Laurent
2007-03-26 19:46:46

I remember seeing Evangeline Lilly on the Loveline (phone sex) late night commercials back in the US when Lost first came out. Apparently she had overlapping contracts. How embarrassing, but I guess you have to start somewhere.
She’s very attractive and apparently digs ugly men… that sounds like a great combination for most people here ;-)

 
Comment by Increasingly Rancid Turkey
2007-03-26 22:26:00

Ouch. That IS embarrassing. But I suspect that if you dig deep enough, you will find equally sordid past gigs in most of these Lost actors’ past… things that probably are not prominently featured on their Network bios. Who is willing to wager that Jack did porn? I suppose, one should ask: who on Lost did not do porn? The only people who can safely be excluded from THAT list are baby, The Hobbit ’cause he’s hideous and British, Hurley, Echo (too dignified), Sayid (he’s dating Barbara Hershey… nuff said), Rose and her hubby. Everyone else has at some low point in their career, done porn. Sawyer has sooo done porn.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 11:33:14

Alex was the girl that talked a lot & had a crush on Malcolm. Then in a later episode she grows boobs (which she’s embarassed of) & Reese tries to get a squeeze by doing a sensitive boy act.

 
 
 
 
 
Comment by Laurent
2007-03-26 11:17:16

I saw “300″ this weekend, and my wife told me that she read that the actor who play Xerxes is in “Lost”. I told her she read wrong. I couldn’t recollect a seven foot black ambiguously gay pierced dude with a voice like dubbed Bruce Lee, but low and behold it’s actually Paulo!!!

Xerxes is Paulo! Unreal. Now Lost is going to have to put this dude in some episodes. Maybe they’ll keep the kung-fu dub voice! Shits going Lord of the Flies with Xerxes.

Comment by Exceedingly Putrid Turkey
2007-03-26 15:00:49

Effectivement, c’est très étrange. Although will Paulo’s sudden big screen exposure boost his profile on Lost or will it have the opposite effect? I was looking forward to seeing him roasted on a spit like a suckling pig. And before JT let’s loose on me, let me just clarify that it’s not Paulo and Nikki that I object to per se. I suppose they are quite cuddly cute. Rather, what burns my ass is what they represent: they personify the Lost writers’s contempt for the audience. Nothing personal, Paulo and Nikki. Speaking of big screen turkeys, did anyone notice that Jack has appeared in at least a couple of bad horror films lately. Bad horror films: an oxymoron if ever there was one.

Comment by JT
2007-03-26 15:50:08

WHAT BITCH? I AM GOING TO MOTHERFUCKING ROAST YOU ALIVE, TURKEY! YOU FUCK!

Ha ha. That was a joke. Get it? I never write in all caps! I will respectfully disagree with you though, insomuch as I don’t think that the Lost writers feel any contempt for the huddled masses who watch the show. I could be wrong. But even if they DID hold some bitterness against the viewers who aren’t going along with every plot twist they concoct, I think it’s kind of a stretch to say that the characters of Nikki and Paolo were designed just to piss off viewers. Yeah, they were introduced sloppily, sure. Yeah, mayyyybe Damon and Carlton have been promoting them as totally bodacious characters a LITTLE too much. But it actually might be a little interesting to see the main characters’ actions (those being Locke, Sawyer, Jin, all the rest) through a fresh set of eyes. Could you clarify? Maybe I missed one of your earlier posts.

I mean, if they REALLY wanted to insult our intelligence or show some deep-seated contempt for the audience, they could have just had Boone pop out of a polar bear costume, ala The Wicker Man remake (it sucked. Do not go see it. Ever) or created a mysterious third island full of FLESH-EATING ZOMBIES. Ya know? Am I making sense?

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 16:04:20

I think it’s insulting to our intelligence because to say they were introduced sloppily is giving the writers way too much credit. Also, the simple fact they were “redshirts” from the beginning is insulting. Also, I’ve heard that in the flashbacks we discover that adorable Nikki was a stripper; which is pandering of the highest caliber. I mean the biggest insult quite frankly- is to think anybody would give a rat’s ass about these two while characters we liked were being ignored.

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Comment by JT
2007-03-26 16:10:05

You mean there are actually characters you like on this show?

Nico, are you okay? Is that really you?

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 16:27:08

Ha ha…

Well, I used to like Locke before he started acting TOTALLY nuts. I also liked Jin & Sun before Jin sarted talking like a bad George Takei impersonator. I even liked Sayid & Hurley well enough. The problem, JT- is the characters have either been mostly ignored for the entirety of this season; or have acted completely out of character (as far as what they were show to be in seasons 1 & most of season 2)to suit the writers needs. Also, we have had enough character development- the next logical step in a story is action that drives the plot forward. Something that has been sorely lacking as of late.

 
Comment by JT
2007-03-26 18:17:34

Yeah, some character assassination has taken place. I can’t deny that. Take Charlie (I’m one of the maybe two Charlie fans out there, while everyone else refers to him as “The Hobbit,” which was kind of funny the first time but so totally isn’t now). THAT’S a character assassination. It’s almost like they were trying to make him unlikable so they can kill him off — which it looks like they’re going to do.

But then again, I’m gonna keep hanging on to that last shred of hope. Locke’s looking less like a button-pushing nutjob and more like his badass self. If they can continue that — with all the characters — then Lost might be able to start getting its dwindling viewer base back.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 19:29:22

I liked Charlie well enough as well once I got past: “holy crap, it’s a hobbit!”. I liked the whole “you all everybody” & the band & his brother too. It’s really the close tie to the insufferable Claire that makes me dislike him more & more. Yes, I agree the writers haven’t helped his cause any either…

 
Comment by Laurent
2007-03-26 19:42:10

Come on… Charlie!

There’s no way I’m going to believe that that homely dwarf is a rock star. Because he’s British (cliché)?
Secondly, why is he a rock star with the clichéd HOBBITual heroin addiction? Answer: because they all are! That’s how lame and predictable rock stars are.

His character is weak. Another insufferable addict. Who cares about these people? Let him get strung out and OD already. I’m ’so over’ the false drama of addiction. Maybe his character can meet up with Anthony Kiedis and they can whinge away about strung out addiction stories in a new book.

Even worse, he then becomes a papist baby snatcher looking to play John the Baptiste and build a church. What the heck?

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 11:40:21

Well, can’t argue the point of the stereotypical drug addled rock star. I always thought if I was him & stuck on this freaky island with an unlimited supply of H, I would probably have chosen to stay on a nod for the duration. Screw the guitar, know what I’m sayin’?

 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-27 12:05:09

what’s insufferable is charlie’s need for validation/redemption through claire and pseudo fatherhood. stupid.

claire’s willingness to trust the dude who just weeks ago stole her baybee is a close second on the insufferability meetah.

 
 
 
 
Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-27 08:18:10

yes, I alluded to this…last week? guess I saw ‘300′ before some of you (very good! unless you like your historical movies boring…).

I still say if they keep Paulo, they should keep him as a 7′ androgynous man/god. kate could reprise her ‘Loveline’ role, sawyer…porn…? charlie as the hobbit, etc. it’d be like the Surreal Lost.

If they’re going to turn LOST into a farce, go all the way, man!

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 13:54:33

Yes, I recall your mentioning it now- I guess I just couldn’t fathom it… They must have cast him as Xerxes because he’s kind of fey looking.

 
 
 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 12:30:49

Are you sure that’s the same guy? That’s weird as hell!

Comment by Laurent
2007-03-26 14:31:50

Yeah, I doubted my wife until I searched IMDB.com

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-26 15:25:09

Holy schnikes! That’s one crazy transformation. What an odd bit of casting on the part of 300’s creators though. He doesn’t look imposing without the shaved head & piercings at all.

 
 
 
Comment by David
2007-03-26 23:19:59

All this talk about death got me thinking, “Who do I want to see die next on LOST?”

So I came up with a list.

1. Nikki and Paulo
(together and, it would be great if they scream “Arnts” as they go)

2. Aaron
(eaten by a wild dog, so I can hear Claire say, “A Dingo Ate My Baby.”)

3. Claire
(but, not Charlie because, I used to really like his character, so for old time sake he can live for now)

3. Julie
(preferably with a deadpan look as Kate shoots her, I know it will be a tough acting feat but, I think she can pull it off)

4. Kate, Jack & Sawyer
(it’s for the best, I don’t think their contract allows them to act with anyone else anyway)

I’d like to keep Bad Ass Locke around but, if Retrado Locke show up again swap him for Claire. Also Jin and Sun because for once I’d like to see a minority make it close to the end of a major movie or tv show.

But the perfect ending would be every dies except Rose and Bernard who ambush Michael and Walt while coming back from being lost at sea all this time. They kill them and eat them and Rose and Bernard live happily ever after.

So there is my list, now give me yours.

Comment by JT
2007-03-27 16:07:51

Here’s my list.

1. Kate.
2. Kate.
3. Kate.
4. Kate.
5. Kate.

Also, killing Kate in an incredibly violent and gruesome fashion would certainly not hurt.

 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-28 15:28:44

One question: why “Arntz”?

Comment by David
2007-03-28 17:27:26

Nico, Nico, Nico,

Have you so quickly forgotten Lost’s first red shirt who emerged from the background only to be blown up by dynamite.

Lest we never forget. (As I pour a 40 on the ground)

 
 
 
Comment by Laurent
2007-03-27 06:49:51

Hilarious! I’d love to see the dingo episode.
“Chawlie, Chawlie! Ay dingo mide awff weed me baybee!”
Charlie chases after mangy Dingo which has clutched Aaron by his nape, Desmond watches as the horror unfolds, decides to let Chawlie finally meet his fate and mutters to himself “Just foke et bruthaaa”. Next scene shows a pile of human bones and a sleeping pack of dingos, not full and satiated, but strung out on the residual heroin in Chawlies flesh.

Series finale shows a rescue ship and crew reaching a beach with piles and piles of human, polar bear, and dingo bones, and we see a satiated Hurley, still fat as all hell, who says, `a la Chris Farley as the Gap Girl, “Leave me alone I’m starvin’… dudes!”

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 11:54:12

I’ll go with Laurent, except at the end a lone polar bear pops up from under the bones. It then unzips a zipper running down its belly, revealing it to be a suit- and out pops Libby. Hurley smashes his grease smeared mouth into hers & they start rolling around on the pile of bones & making passionate love.

THE END

Comment by Laurent
2007-03-27 12:52:45

And Cheech is watching this take place from onboard the rescue ship where he’s smoking a fat spliff while clutching the 24k Jebus statue.

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 13:23:46

Meanwhile, back on Endor- Billy D. Williams & Jack’s dad are drinking Colt 45’s & chillin’ with Chewbacca & some Ewoks…

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Comment by TheLostSkeptic
2007-03-27 14:03:29

speaking of LOSTIES in space…movies…or just movies…

naveen andrews (sayid) parlayed his fame into a role in upcoming ‘Grindhouse’. interesting to see whether he’ll wax philosophical about mowing down zombies with an M16.

“freddie…I do not wish to kill the zombies, only incapacitate them so as to let you kill them later. By the way, does this t-shirt show off my pot belly?”

Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-27 15:03:48

Yeah, I saw him in the trailer for Grindhouse. I’m not sure if he’s in the Tarrantino or Rodriguez 1/2.

 
 
Comment by Nico Toscani
2007-03-28 16:30:50

According to EW, the famous “redshirts” Nikki & Paulo are going to be integral to future story arcs. *barfs*

 
Comment by fergie
2007-04-02 22:10:15

I hope this show doesn’t turn into another Xfiles. It is really going to piss me off if it does. Sure seems like things are going in that direction.

 
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